Salt is supposed to be a preservative, an extra kick of flavor, yet it can also cause us pain, like high blood pressure. You know that old saying, “throwing salt in a wound?” That’s been my life lately.
I had a long summer of job hunting and I’m finally settled into a career job that I love, and it feels good. While that feels great, I still have some unhealed wounds that salt makes its way into.
I was once a Mary Kay consultant and after a long hard road, I stopped. I didn’t give up, I didn’t quit, I didn’t throw in the towel, I just finally looked around and realized that this wasn’t where I was supposed to be.
Being surrounded by high heel wearing, phone call calling, party booking boss babes, made me feel empowered and that I could take on the world! Until I realized, this isn’t for me. I don’t work like this and I don’t know what to do.. My natural reaction was to panic and then try harder. I did facial jars at nail salons, I made 40 texts a day, I read a book, I prayed and prayed and I still didn’t fit, and finally I realized, I was never made for this.
And it hurt, and I took it hard. I felt like a failure, I spent $2,500 on supplies, I had a website and about 40 customers, and I was devastated and I felt like a failure, and a loser, and that I threw in the towel too early but I was never going to fit. I was never made for that kind of environment, I didn’t set goals like the other girls. I didn’t want a bracelet every month or a big diamond ring, it just wasn’t me so I stopped, and I never looked back.
Until recently, when I looked around at all the product sitting in my room, and that sinking feeling came back, and I started to panic and I started throwing salt on my wound and thinking of how much of a failure I was. I couldn’t do Mary Kay, I couldn’t get a job, What was I going to do?!
And finally, finally, the right thing came along and I’m right where I’m supposed to be. In my 8-5, working with other people, doing things I love and I don’t stress, I don’t worry, I just do, and that’s how its suppose to be. I can safely barry the hatchet on my Mary Kay career, pay my taxes, move my product and make a choice to do something else, and let that part of my life be over.
It’s time to stop throwing salt in that wound, even if the scar does run up the back of my leg, up my back, over my shoulder, down the front and stops at my foot. That scar will be huge, and gnarly, but it’ll tell a story of a girl who searched so hard to find herself, she found someone who she wasn’t was and is just now back to where she wanted to be.
It was awesome for a time and I learned a lot! I will always be proud of this scar cause it proves that I tried, that I failed, that I fell down, but at least I did something. I don’t want a perfectly safe and blemishless body, cause what does that prove? That I played on the side of the road, that I didn’t try anything new? That’s not who I am.
No more salt.
I am going to heal this wound.
One day at a time,
one dollar at a time,
and put Neosporin on it and
Cowgirl Up into my next adventure.
Because throwing salt in it never made it any better.
What wound do you keep throwing salt in?